I’m finding myself becoming more and more easily frustrated, and very resentful, and I don’t like the person I’m becoming.
As you know, my Dad also suffers from Korsakoff’s Syndrome, a lesser-known form of Dementia. A type of Dementia that is brought on through heavy drinking. His stroke was an ischaemic stroke; one caused by fatty deposits blocking the arteries in the neck, caused by a lifetime of bad dietary choices. Both of these conditions were entirely preventable, directly related to his personal choices throughout his life, and now my life revolves around his 24 hour care. That’s pretty selfish if you ask me.
What I find worse though, is my Mums opinion on the matter; each birthday/Christmas/New Year, she buys him alcohol, because “it’s not fair that he used to enjoy a drink and now can’t”. Would you do that with a drug addict? No, what’s not fair is his illness getting worse just because he wants a pint. I’m 22 and drink maybe once a year, big deal. Also, I love to cook, mainly Italian and Asian foods (because they’re the yummiest!), yet every day my mum tells me “Dad won’t eat that, I’ve taken a pie out for him, so you can make him some chips to go with it”, or “I’ll get chippy on my way home for your Dad”. Why won’t he eat it? He hasn’t even tasted it yet! Yes I snack on some terrible foods and I’m under no illusions that my diet isn’t the best, but my main meals are decent. I am constantly trying new foods, healthy swaps, mainly because I don’t want to end up like my Dad, and to create new foods that are tasty and nutritious, but these efforts are constantly thrown back at me. Now, I’m not stupid. I know that no amount of good food will reverse the effects of his illnesses, I’m no Deliciously Ella, but it might go a long way to prevent any further strokes or debilitating diseases. Surely that’s more important than trying to keep him happy with the British foods he’s accustomed to; one of the worst cuisines in the world in terms of health benefits.
One more thing, anyone feel free to pitch in if you can relate to this…
He’s a lot more ignorant now…and I’ve no idea whether that’s due to the Dementia, or just plain ignorance. You can talk to him and get no response, he won’t even look at you, yet when you pull him on it, he’ll say “I did hear you”. Well why not answer me then!?! ARGH! It is the single most frustrating thing in the world…I hate ignorance. It’s rude, impolite, and if I was brought up with better manners than that, then he should be showing them too.